honey bunches of taint.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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