How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
