i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
