fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
