The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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