Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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