On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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