Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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