finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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