you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
