Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
