dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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