just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I supernannyed him into submission
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
