I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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