he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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