And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
