I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
