Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
