Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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