I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
