this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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