It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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