I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize