he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
