What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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