I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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