so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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