dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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