one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
