You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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