Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
