i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i think i just lost a toe
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
