So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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