Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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