Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize