I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
