Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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