If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
