He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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