Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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