neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
