yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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