I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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