3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
