New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
