Cold hands, warm shart.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
