U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sober January is a disaster.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
