We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
