oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
