I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He shit in the fireplace
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
