I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
