I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
