Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
