I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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