is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
