So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
