i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize