I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
