how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
