Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
