there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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