so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
