Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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