Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
