I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
