How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
