u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
