Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
