I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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