Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
